Back to the Start
by Cheshire Magic
Summary: The First Wizarding War was a sharp unwanted change for the Marauders and Lily. The safety of school no longer existed and each day was worse than the one before. A quick set of one-shots about how they felt, to The Scientist by Coldplay.
1. Chapter 1

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry

You don't know how lovely you are

I had to find you, tell you I need you

Tell you I set you apart

It was Sirius' idea. James had agreed, and Lily, while hesitant, allowed it. Peter Pettigrew was the now their Secret-Keeper. He'd been honored, or at least that was what he'd said. In actuality he looked extremely nervous.

Everyone pinned it down as nerves. If Voldemort found out that Peter was the only thing standing in his way of the Potters... It certainly wouldn't end well for either of them. And who wouldn't be nervous?

But James trusted him. And Lily thought he was sweet even though he'd been jittery since they'd graduated from school. They felt safe. A little worried for Sirius, considering everyone assumed he was their Secret-Keeper. But they had faith they'd be okay.

It was the day they'd made him their official Secret-Keeper, Peter had looked them in the eyes, something he hadn't done to anyone for a long time, and told them he was honored. That he loved them and they were his best friends.

"I'll k-keep you safe James. I'll protect y-you. Promise." The last word held so much strength, something James had never heard from his smallest friend.


	2. Chapter 2

Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions

Oh let's go back to the start

Running in circles, coming up tails

Heads on a science apart

Peter wasn't stupid. So right after James had made him his Secret-Keeper, Peter had scurried off to his master.

Peter valued life.

It was easier than he thought it would be. Telling Voldemort. Betraying his friends, the people he'd grown up with. Maybe it was because only Harry would die. Peter hadn't spent much time with the baby.

And James and Lily were smart. They also valued life. They wouldn't let themselves die from this. They'd be horrified with themselves, possibly never forgive him or themselves, and they'd mourn for years. But they would get better. They'd start a new family.

They'd be alive. He was saving them. Just like James, Sirius, and Remus had saved them. They'd be sad. Angry even. But they'd also owe him their lives.

So it was quite easy to tell his master the secret he kept. It was when Voldemort dismissed him with a simple nod that Peter's word seemed to turn a few shads brighter. Making his eyes water.

James would rather die than see Lily sad. And Sirius would rather die than see James sad. And Remus... Remus would struggle along. Not taking the easy way out. He would drown in his sorrow everyday, picking up the pieces.

Peter wondered. How correct was his original logic?

He wanted to start over.

**The next chapter is James and Lily's! HUZZAH!**


	3. Chapter 3

Nobody said it was easy

It's such a shame for us to part

Nobody said it was easy

No one ever said it would be this hard

Oh, take me back to the start

James hated it all. He hated this war, with it's dark magic and constantly growing death-rate. He hated how no one trusted anyone anymore. He hated how he and his friends all went separate ways. He hated that prophecy, and he hated how Voldemort was after his son.

And he really hated how he could never leave his house.

James was the kind of person who had to spend each day like it was his last. And you can't do that when you're stuck in a house with your wife and son. Especially when your son is a baby.

James was craving freedom and fun. James loved his family and enjoyed being with them, but he needed fresh hair.

He had never felt this cooped up before. Not even while attending school. He'd just done whatever he wanted to do in class.

He missed his friends too.

: :

Lily knew James wasn't happy. He hadn't made a joke in the last few days. His happiness had run dry being stuck here. He had no inspiration without his friends, and the last time they'd been openly social with someone was a long time ago.

Even before the Fidelius Charm, it wasn't safe to chat with anyone anymore.

It drove James crazy. Lily sighed into Harry's soft hair. By the end of the war they'd both be crazy.

But it was worth it for Harry. Her little boy was sleeping, gently grasping her hair in his chubby hand. She planted a kiss on his head as he woke up.

She'd let James play with him for awhile. He was started to wear down the carpet from his constant pacing.

If only this had never happened. If only they were back at school having nothing to worry about but homework.

It wasn't the same as the years went by. The last few years of school weren't as relaxing. But it was still better than this.

She smiled sadly at her husband. Handing over the baby. If only she could go back for a day.


	4. Chapter 4

I was just guessing at numbers and figures

Pulling the puzzles apart

Questions of science, science and progress

Do not speak as loud as my heart

Remus knew that the Potters were in hiding. He knew they'd used a Fidelius Charm. He knew Sirius Black was their Secret-Keeper. But then, anyone who knew they'd used the Fidelius Charm would know Sirius would be the Secret-Keeper.

But he'd learned all this from Dumbledore. And from the gatherings of the Order of the Phoenix. What Remus didn't know was how his friends felt about any of it.

James trusted him, he knew that. James was very trusting. But Sirius wasn't. When it came to trust Sirius was surprisingly cautious. It was probably because of his upbringing.

Living with the Black family can do that kind of thing to you.

But now Sirius had gotten it in his head that Remus was a spy for Voldemort. When they'd been at school Sirius had always come up with crazy things.

But now, outside of school, in the middle of a war, Sirius had made up the most ridiculous thing of them all.

And Sirius wouldn't let the Potters talk freely to him. Remus felt so utterly alone. He hadn't felt this way in years.

Not since his friends had found out about his "Furry Little Problem" and helped him. He always had someone after that.

They'd always be there for him. In the Shrieking Shack, goofing around...

He wanted to go back to school. He wanted to watch James and Sirius bicker about candy, and Peter to try and take both of their sides. He wanted to hear their soft snores in the dormitory. He wanted them to tease him about being a bookworm.

He wanted his friends. He wanted to start over. To do it all again. For it to be a never ending circle. He needed them.

But they didn't seem to need him.


	5. Chapter 5

And tell me you love me, come back and haunt me

Oh and I rush to the start

Running in circles, chasing our tails

Coming back as we are

Sirius ran towards the house. If you could call it that. He had no hope. He knew what he would find inside. But he had to see it, or he would forever believe in the back of his mind, in his unconsciousness that they were alive. That the Potters were not dead. That their home was still that, a home and this was all a dream. He would go insane.

He was about to go in when Hagrid came out. Sirius held his breath, and halted. Staring up at his friend. The look in the man's eyes made the situation so much more real. Sirius wasn't a schoolboy, death was real and could never be undone. This wasn't a joke or a punishment. This was for forever. James was gone forever. As was Lily. And Harry.

Sirius wanted it to end. Like a bad dream. He wanted to wake up, now. He couldn't handle this. His family was gone. Then Hagrid showed Sirius the bundle he held.

Something inside Sirius snapped. His grey eyes flitted up to the large man, a wonderful variable that he hadn't expected had presented itself. He was Harry's godfather. He would raise the boy, for James and Lily. He would guarantee that the person they loved the most would still be loved.

Sirius still had family left.

Hagrid only said a few words but in those words contained all the crushing depression that he'd just escaped from. Harry would not stay with his godfather.

Sirius gave Hagrid his bike. Slowly he walked through the doorway.

There was James. Sirius fell to his knees beside the man he loved, his brother, his best friend. The years of life they'd spent together made their minds work in synchronization. Sirius would be like a broken toy, wobbling everywhere with no one to back up his statements, he needed James.

He sobbed. Then he stood. His head swimming with memories. Every prank they had ever pulled played out in front of him. Every joke they had made. Every time they had talked together seriously. He just wanted it all to start over. He wanted to rethink and relieve the pranks and jokes and conversations. He wanted to back to September first. Go back to his first ride on the Hogwarts Express.

Sirius ran. The room seemed to get colder with every minute he was in it. He ran up the stairs, avoiding all the holes and missing steps. He ran for Harry's room. He didn't think Lily would be there. No, he just wanted to mourn in his favorite room of the house.

But there she was. Bright green eyes stared at him. They screamed at him. Pleading. Sirius knew it was because he didn't fight for Harry. He'd let Lily down. Harry living with his aunt? Lily would not like that.

He couldn't move. Her eyes paralyzed him. They pinned him. Sirius watched as the woman transformed before his eyes. She was shrinking, shrinking into a little girl. A little girl with a defiant face and burning green eyes. She crossed her frail arms. Glaring at the man.

She stood up, her skinny knees wobbled slightly. He stumbled backwards. Screaming apologies. He hadn't tried hard enough. He didn't save her or her baby. He didn't even save his brother. He was a failure and she was going to get him for it. Just like his mother used to do.

A hand grabbed his shoulder. He jumped and whirled around. There stood James. Small, with a rounded face and shaggy black hair, the boy he'd met at the platform. His hazel eyes displayed a sadness Sirius had only seen a few times. It scared him. Sending shivers down his body. He could have prevented this. If only he'd known to visit them earlier.

Sirius had failed. He had failed. Failed. Failed. Failed. They were dead. Permanent. All he wanted to to was start over. He'd help them avoid everything that had happened. He would keep everyone safe.

James and Lily were gone. Sirius gasped at their disappearance. He craned his neck, Lily was lying in the place she died. He went downstairs. There was James.

Sirius was never one to forgive. Nor was James. Even Lily could hold a grudge. So Sirius would fix this as much as one could fix a situation that was doomed. He couldn't make his friends start living again and he couldn't take Harry from Dumbledore.

But Sirius could find a rat.


	6. Chapter 6

Nobody said it was easy

Oh it's such a shame for us to part

Nobody said it was easy

No one ever said it would be so hard

I'm going back to the start

Peter thought back to those horrific years of the war. Back then it felt every decision he made had a huge consequence. He remembered wanting to go back to school with his friends.

He was back, but not with his friends. No, now he was the faithful rat of Percy Weasley.

At least half of his wish had come true.

: :

Remus was studying. Not a book or an article. He was studying a boy. A boy who he knew as Harry James Potter. A boy he had not seen in a very, very long time. A boy that brought back memories of both James and Lily.

Remus had wanted to go back to Hogwarts and his friends during the war, those were his most vivid yearning.

And now it was almost like he had. In a very depressing way.

: :

Sirius hadn't seen Harry since that one Halloween twelve years ago. The worst day of his life.

The day he'd have done anything to rewind the clock and do it all over again.

He was back at Hogwarts. He had Harry. He had Remus. He didn't have Peter, the man had died long ago in the war.

Well, the Peter he had known had. Pettigrew was still out there.

But for the first tim in a long time James and Lily didn't haunt him. And he actually felt... happy.


End file.
